


Aziraphale did WHAT?

by layr



Series: Exploring the Heavenly History of Angels in Art [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale did WHAT?, Crack yet canon, Gen, Ineffable friendship, Possibly Pre-Slash, Ratthew the Rat, WRESTLNG but not with the capes and the funny names and the giant belt buckles, crack from the actual Bible, dancing for the Greater Good, feats of strength, idle boasting among friends, possible future ineffable husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 00:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20518802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/layr/pseuds/layr
Summary: Genesis 32:24-31 New International Version (NIV)So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak…The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.A poem that would have inspired this if I had found it before I wrote it:Come, O Thou traveler unknown,Whom still I hold, but cannot see;My company before is gone,And I am left alone with Thee.With Thee all night I mean to stay,And wrestle till the break of day.YES, YOU HAVE SEEN THIS ELSEWHERE. IT WAS ME.





	Aziraphale did WHAT?

“So, I got in trouble a long time ago for doing too many, you know, miracles,” Crowley explained over French toast. Well, it was over Aziraphale's French toast. The demon was peeking over his dark glasses, showing what Aziraphale thought of as his snakey eyes.

“They wanted me to go tempt this guy in Venice, but I had to do it manually. I was waiting for him outside his house for hours. Turns out, he was visiting his mother, and I had to go racing over there.”

“Mm. that must have been fun. The canals, the bridges, the lovely little boats, the panna cotta…” The angel was lost in memories.

“Well, you wouldn’t know much about physical efforts, in your job, I wouldn’t think. Aside from praising God and the odd spot of dancing.”

“A lot of dancing. All night. You never know when some poor human might need a helping hand in a dance hall. Or at a wedding. Or a private club. Or, I don’t know, various places for dancing. So I felt it my duty to be on hand just in case.”

Crowley rolling his eyes. “Dancing. That’s hardly grueling work. I’ve danced in the line of duty. Plenty of times. Name some real physical work.”

“Well, I did a spot of wrestling this one time.”

“Wrestling? WRESTLING? Like with the capes and the funny names and the giant belt buckles?” Crowley’s mind was generating pictures like a picture-generating thing.

“No, proper wrestling.”

“And how did THAT come about?”

“Well, Heaven wanted to give a nomad a little boost in the direction of a multi-generational settlement. I was in the area, so I got the job.”

“They gave you a wrestling job.”

“Well, it wasn’t initially a wresting job. I was supposed to go talk to this man in the desert. He was busy with this and that, crossing rivers, taking all his wives and children and sheep and whatever else over various bodies of water. Would not listen to a word I said.

“I didn’t want to put on the whole Angelic Form and scare him to death, so I just improvised. I told him I’d wrestle him and if he got two out of three, I’d bless him and leave him alone. If I got two out of three, he’d have to listen to me.”

“And of course, he figured he’d be rid of you in five minutes.”

“Exactly! Because my corporation wasn’t as impressive in those days. Once we got started, I was thinking, I could do this for quite a while.”

“I’m not seeing it.” Crowley generated waves of skepticism. Nobody saw them, but several people nearby felt itchy and went home.

“Well, you’ll have to take my word for it. This man and I wrestled ALL NIGHT. I finally had to dislocate his hip."

“You DISLOCATED HIS HIP FOR THE GREATER GOOD?”

“After that, he was plenty ready to listen to me. I had him change his name, and then I blessed him. I went on my way, he went on his, and Heaven gave my several prizes.” Aziraphale looked quite pleased with himself.

“I’d like to see you wrestle with someone all night.”

“Would you really? I suppose it could be arranged.”

"Just don't dislocate my hip!"

[Click here for a picture of the scene!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Rembrandt_-_Jacob_Wrestling_with_the_Angel_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg)

More biblical artwork for this scene, because DAMN. Those artists sure did like an excuse to paint some guys wrestling.

[More of a slapfight than actual wrestling.](https://imgur.com/cETuauM)  


[THIS IS NOT WRESTLING. THIS IS CREATING FRICTION.](https://imgur.com/XgP0GDA)  


[No, no, the dance goes like THIS!](https://imgur.com/KjBK7qW)  


[I can't figure out WHAT is happening here, but it's not wrestling.](https://imgur.com/djCFzgI)  


[Stop hugging me. You're embarrassing us both.](https://imgur.com/AKcHxy7)  


[How to distract the person you are wrestling by suddenly going in for a nipple kiss.](https://imgur.com/7E46XUH)  


[Doesn't look that much like wrestling, but the scenery is nice.](https://imgur.com/uSRRKaX)  


[OK, I'm going to the actual website here, because you will probably want to add this sculpture to your vast collection of inadvertent erotic art. BE SURE TO LOOK AT BOTH SIDES IT IS WELL WORTH YOUR TIME.](http://www.tomwhitestudio.com/tabletop-faith-based-religious-bronze-sculptures-Biblical-statues-jacob-wrestling-angel.html)  


[This also goes to the actual website, because there is a SWEET LITTLE POEM about spending the night together.](https://jimfriedrich.com/tag/jacob-wrestling-with-the-angel/)  



End file.
